I really do have a sense of humor. It just may not be on the same wave length as yours. I may not laugh in the same places or even at all at plays or movies or TV shows. (There are a couple of TV shows in which I have actually laughed out loud, The Office and 30 Rock.)
At the end of the year, I was reading my dream journals as I prepared to begin a new one for the new year. I decided to compile a few one-liners or statements that I thought funny. Now, you may not even care to see what I thought funny, but here goes. (the "color" goes as follows: Black are regular dreams. Brown are dreams where I am vaguely aware it is a dream. Red are Lucid dreams.)
November 18, 2005
Then baby threw up all that he had been eating, coins, shampoo bottles, so much kept coming back up. Poor baby all empty now.
January 5, 2006
Hot. I said to everyone, why are you all wearing black? When it’s so hot. Then everyone just stared at me. I had on a black outfit too.
January 3, 2007
I was arriving at a work assignment, except I flew in on a broom. I was teased, but said I actually got my aerobic exercise because I had to pedal like a bike.
March 22, 2007
I asked if they had ever seen “The Gods Must Be Crazy”. I said it was a really old movie that took place in Africa about the natives and a journey and a coke bottle falling from the sky. … “Why is this old lady, telling us about a dumb movie, that she can’t even remember very well?”
April 15, 2007
I was concerned about the fish, because the enema bag fish tank didn’t seem to be sufficient. I wanted to put them in the bigger tanks, but knew the sharks would eat them. I wanted to get rid of the sharks, but they were Bob’s and I wasn’t sure what plans he had for them.
May 7, 2007
We had a week that we all came to work in costume. I got mixed up on the days and came to work dressed as a wizard, when everyone else was in Marie Antoinette costumes.
July 5, 2007
…the doorbell rang and it was the visiting teachers. We told them we were busy with wild animals.
August 10, 2007
The family members had gathered there at the ranch to discuss what to do with the horses and to plan my funeral. I tried to communicate with them, but no one could hear me. I tried to remind them that I wanted all music and maybe poetry and a slide show presentation.
November 6, 2007
I usually like the front row. Since I was in the back, I thought no one would mind if I levitated to see better.
December 12, 2007
They answered with “We don’t want to learn to dance, we know how to dance—we want you to tell us your adventures in your detective business. We heard you have had some amazing breakthroughs and cases.” I wasn’t sure how they knew about my other business, it was supposed to be a PRIVATE Detective.
May 30, 2008
I still KNEW it was a dream and wanted to control it, but instead was just watching it play out because I didn’t know HOW to control it—as in HOW to have it play out, or the mechanics of HOW to manipulate it.
August 5, 2008
The tubes were flexible and iridescent, almost having a life of their own, seeming to take enjoyment in their duties, weird as it may seem. This gave “catheter” a new meaning.
September 18, 2008
I was miffed that someone had placed an elephant on my wall, because it associated me with the Republican party.
October 15, 2008
I constructed or put together something like a “solar liahona” made of blue lego-like things, about the size of a large grapefruit. I was so elated that I had actually put this together without assistance or instructions.
December 15, 2008
I replied something like, “I have plenty of money, the abundance of the universe flows to me.”
February 3, 2009
…I now told Bob of all the happenings of the previous dream. He kept saying, “How could you NOT know it was dream?”
March 6, 2009
I said to everyone—be careful of the dog poop, don’t walk in it. So, of course, they did.
May 1, 2009
“I guess they don’t require people to clean up after their dogs here…oh, wait, it’s their own yard. I guess they enjoy being surrounded by dog poop!”
November 23, 2009
I was really surprised and delighted that the church had added a line of “colorful” garments and a line of “lingerie” style ones.
March 2, 2010
The groups of young men especially paid us notice because we had so many beautiful daughters and grand-daughters with us.
May 5, 2010
I dozed off (in the dream), so I was dreaming that I was asleep and also dreaming. In the dream within a dream, I dreamed of someone telling me about some important documents. What I didn’t realize, the dream was within an actual dream…About that time I actually awakened and realized the WHOLE thing was a dream.
July 9, 2010
It was unusual in that the horse wore shorts and somehow pulled them down to potty.
October 8, 2010
The last scene was us being crushed and suffocated in blue and white plastic walls and I was thinking “this is it, I am dying in this weird way.”
October 10, 2010
I am very agitated and start yelling at him, saying that it’s exorbitant for a stupid clock. We could get an awesome horse for that price!!! And … it’s not even a cool Cuckoo clock!!
December 10, 2010
…all this craziness was costing me extra money, even though the government was paying, they wouldn’t pay for my stupidity! I mean how could I have brought a cat that I wasn’t planning on taking and forgetting my luggage???
January 8, 2011
He was a Bad Rap, meaning he was a Good Rap. Sure, he was carnivorous, and ate meat, but he tried not to eat his friends or humans.
February 18, 2011
….I wish we had “walkie talkies” and/or a battery operated communication radio.
March 14, 2011
Someone said “every one duck!!” so, I flattened on the ground. (as if that would prevent something)
April 4, 2011
“I am an old woman”. Those sitting around us chuckled and thought this was funny.
May 2, 2011
I have dreamed this so many times; I just have to make sure it is real this time." Each one told me that it was NOT a dream. Then, I woke up and found that it WAS a dream.
May 27, 2011
…if this is a dream, I can leave it. I tried to stop it, but couldn't, if I can't stop it, I will try to change it. The only way I could change it was by moving myself, so I began walking, leaving the house and going outside. it seemed to be very cumbersome just walking, I will just fly, so I levitated in the air and began soaring over the landscape, like in the movie Dinosaur. I came to some very big and scary dinosaurs, so I just reached out my hand to them and willed them into cute, little cuddly creatures.
July 8, 2011
"I have dreamed about this so many times. Now it is REALLY happening."
July 10, 2011
I not only had lost my friends, but my belongings AND my memory.
July 26, 2011
It doesn't seem to be as much fun in a dream. Where are all the interesting people? The REAL people disappeared as soon as I realized it was a dream.
October 29, 2011
I pondered on what it felt like to die as I was surely going to. I just relaxed as best I could hoping to avoid too much pain and felt as if I were floating into a sandstorm with a light vortex.
Have I inspired you to keep your own dream journals????
Updated August 2022:
Sep. 26, 2011
I began wandering around wondering what to do
and then I realized this must be a dream.
Good, if it’s a dream, then I can control it. The first thing I did was fly because it beat
the heck out of slow walking.
Jan. 14, 2012
. I looked around for
my car, but found it was only a seat with a motor and had no room to carry
anything. I wondered what had happened to my REAL car,
March 11, 2012
I yelled, if this is a dream, I can make you do anything. So, I pointed to people and made them
levitate, one at a time.
March 20, 2012
A person asked if I was there for the Horse Camping
Survival class. What did I have to do? I was told
I needed a split skirt to ride in as they didn't allow women in regular
pants. I told them I didn't have a split
skirt, so they would have to put up with me anyway.
April 17,
2012
I eventually found
(a bathroom) to use and saw that it had a very unusual toilet. when you sat on it, it gave the feeling of
swimming in the ocean. This was disconcerting.
July 6, 2012
We called the insurance and the media because it was such a
weird story of a horse driving a truck, but no one believed us without actual
video of the event. They thought we had made it up.
October 25, 2012
I said that I wished
they would legalize marijuana. One of
the attendees looked at me as if I had said I was a terrorist.
September 22,
2013
The phone kept morphing into weird versions of itself, so I
couldn’t use it. It was also like my
brain had turned to mush and couldn't figure anything out. Why was my phone acting like that? At that point, I woke up and realized it was
all a dream. Thank goodness.
July 13, 2015 I
couldn't figure out why someone would put frogs in a splash pool. The frogs seemed very smug as if they were in
on some secret.
March 14, 2016,
This time twice within the dream I asked
people to verify it wasn't a dream. The first was Bob as we surveyed the place. "You know how many times I have dreamed
this, right? But, this isn't a dream, is it?" "No." Then, later when the visiting teachers came I
asked them the same question. They said,
"No, that is a strange question to ask."
April 1, 2016
I was on a space
station, living or visiting, not sure which. I was shown how to clean the "toilets", but it struck me as
very odd because the water was difficult to keep contained in the zero
gravity. Aren't there better ways of
"dealing" with this?
February 4, 2017 … I had met a guy earlier, who was much
younger and we "hit it off." After one date we wanted to see each
other again, but he had to go back to California for some reason. I can't
remember his face clearly, but he seemed to be a blend of Napoleon Dynamite and
Matthew McConnaughey.
September 29, 2017
"Don't go south. We are safer to stay here and besides that, this is only a dream." Others kept arguing with me saying, "How could it be a dream?" Bob said, "I am the lucid dream expert and this is NOT a dream."
October 14, 2017
I looked back … and realized this WAS a dream! …I guess that means we can fly instead of
walk down these stairs. He said yes,
let's fly. But, we were enclosed inside
with no apparent way to get outside, so we could "fly". Darn. (Silly me, I didn't think of teleporting
outside first!)
August 5, 2018, …I
looked for my script and couldn't find it.
I asked "does ANYONE have a copy of the script?" No one did.
I freaked out. I don't have it memorized! People looked at me crazily because I had
written it. Couldn't I just
improvise?
December 23, 2018
T was matchbox size at about 4 inches. He pretty much stayed in his little
matchbox. Vague feeling it was a dream,
because…well, how realistic is a matchbox size child? But, he did like playing with matches…
September 19, 2019
The others
didn't seem to set any store by what I suggested. Because who would believe a crazy grandma who
ran around barefoot and in black semi-transparent tights.
December 16, 2019
Lively Music was playing in that area and
my Dad suddenly began dancing and asked me to dance with him. This really surprised me, so I complied but was wearing heavy work-type boots
because of the weather. I tried to take
them off, but they eventually just kind of flopped off as we danced. It's been so long since I danced or anybody
asked. I looked at my Dad and thought he
looked really good for his age--and dancing.
I tried to figure out in my mind how old he was--I was aware it was 2019
and he was born in 24, so he was 95!
January 12, 2020
...looked up to see an animal that at first impression had the
face of a walrus, but was the size of a large dog. It was more like a feral wild pig or boar and
had curved tusks. It came near me and
butted me with its tusks and then went back to a corner where it pooped…goey
yucky. My thought was oh, no that's
going to be hard to clean up.
April 27, 2020 ... At one point, I was sitting on a couch and a
lady offered to give me a foot zone/massage. ...She was
very good on my feet and she asked if I would do hers. She lifted her feet up, took off shoe and
sock. I was a little surprised that she
had seven toes. Her toe nails were
polished. She joked about her toes and
asked me as a toe reader what that meant.
May 24, 2020 Salmon was on the menu and I was selected
to lie down in the salmon to cook it.
Whaaat? Of course this makes no
sense logically, but I did it….because I am so hot????? After a while, the salmon close to me was
somewhat cooked, but out further it was still raw. Do we have another option?
November 21, 2020
The huge manure truck came, parked in front
of our house. I watched as the barrel
was picked up and dumped into the truck, which was super full of manure and
garbage. Then, as the truck attempted to
pull away from the house, it tipped over towards our house, dumping manure and
all right up to our house. ... Someone had
called 911 and I watched as ambulances and helicopters arrived. A large machine arrived to right the dumped
truck, which it did, but of course the manure was still all over...that
machine had some sort of attachment which amazingly picked up our entire house
off of its foundation and then set it back down. WHY???? That can't be good for the house. …oh no, there goes
the resale value.
January
29, 2021... I gave
birth in a hospital, not one I recognized.
I believe it was a boy, but this didn't seem important. Only weighed 5 lbs, but everyone thought it
was amazing that I even could give birth at age 72.
August 18, 2021... I had milk goat(s) and they needed milking. I was a little miffed because people had moved all my milking stuff. I had to round up my milk stand and move
it. Then I had to find my milk
bucket. It was in the house and in the
semi darkness I could tell it hadn't been cleaned, so I put it in the sink and
filled it with soapy water and proceeded to clean it. then I noticed it had peaches in it, that had
been washed, peeled and sliced! Now they
were ruined! What is going on?
Feb. 20, 2022. J and I were
walking down some stairs that were covered in clam chowder. We were barefoot because of the chowder. Wouldn't make any sense to walk in it with our
shoes. I recall the feel of the chowder
on my feet. It didn't seem unusual at
all. Then, some others began coming down
the stairs and we warned them of the chowder.
(Updated April, 2025)
March 8, 2022, He called them Carp. My thought was I didn't think carp were edible. Oh well. He also warned us that they could be "piranha like" and we should be very careful about letting any out in regular streams.
Oct. 20, 2022, I took a few flakes to the corral and threw them over. But, as I did so, a leopard jumped on the hay and started eating it, scaring the horses away. Then the leopard jumped over the fence at me! I screamed, there's a leopard, but no one believed me.
Oct. 28, 2022, One of the bathrooms had a tile floor, but was decorated with purple rugs, shower curtain and purple FRINGE dangling from the light fixtures above the sink. My comment was "Doesn't anybody read Ladies Home Journal anymore?"
December 23, 2022,
It seemed to be some sort of Hallmark movie plot.
February 5, 2023, I picked it up and saw it was an umbrella and opened it. Whoops, that umbrella has a hex on it. I did a quick clearing…
March 3, 2023,
I found myself riding a stick horse around. It wasn’t a wooden head, but “stuffed” fabric, white with strips of curly fabric for a mane. I also had put on a white cape. It was a strange end to a somewhat “normal” dream.
March 5, 2023, What about cash? Ok. Oh, the only cash I had was monopoly money. They laughed.
March 12, 2023…my phone basically fell apart in my hands. All sorts of little buttons popped off. Oh, no the phone is unusable. I really need to get a new phone.
April 18, 2023, Oh we have enough bananas. Scott spotted M, who was dressed in a Chewbacca costume. Oh, who is this? Who does she belong to? T our youngest. What year was he born? 72? No, 83. Oh, then he WILL go to heaven.
August 31, 2023, I had to cut off my left hand. … I took the severed hand and shoved it back in place, hoping it would “stick”. Should we go to the E.R. and have them sew it back on? Of course, everyone else was mortified about what had been done and wondered why it wasn’t bleeding.
Sept 4, 2023, On the way back in I decided to levitate/fly/hover in the halls. It was fun. I had to flap my arms. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, but just trying to travel back with a drone view of everything.
September 29, 2023, We were supposed to get rid of our western accents (whatever that meant). One of the men walked up to me and asked me what my name was. . I answered in a southern drawl accent, “Why do ya wanna know?” He complimented me on that answer and accent. “Hey, this woman is good.”
Feb. 1, 2024, Bob wanted to put fake grass in where the real grass was then he decided on a trampoline. Then forget the fake grass and put it in a sand pile in half.
April 15, 2024, I had some sort of joint replacement procedure that wasn’t quite finished yet. C H showed up and with some pliers and snipped the ends off. I was pretty upset that she sabotaged it.
August 31, 2024 Went to Meadow Hot Springs and was surprised at the “improvements.” There was not only camping, but a motel/hotel like a fun house. Lots of weird stores. A tram like device that transported people into the water. How did it ever turn into this?
October 6, 2024, Then over a loud speaker, a voice asked everyone to partner up and then a square dance was played expecting us to doesee do with the guardsmen. I basically levitated and swirled around.
Feb. 16, 2025, I was told to come up with some ideas for food—easy, convenient things. I had sardines on the list. I knew that would be a problem for R. H said he would not even come near anyone who had eaten the sardines. Please keep them out of any room he was in.
Feb. 17, 2025, Another one of those going back to work at the IRS scenarios. They kind of doubted my abilities to work. I revealed that I was pregnant (yes, at age 78, what a miracle) then I had a vague feeling it was a dream. (Duh).
March 29, 2025, Luna had an unexpected baby. It was black and white frame overo with assorted white patterns. When the foal saw me, she galloped up to me and said her name was “OOn-OOn” (rhymes with moon-moon). I said I didn’t like that name, can I change it? She said no, that’s it. I need to talk to Luna to find out how this surprise happened.
April 22, 2025 I disliked going into the cold water. All of our “waste” had to be gathered into big bags for disposal into the ocean at certain places. I thought this was not ecologically safe for the marine life. I was told there was no marine life left at these places. At one point we had no food and I suggested that fasting was good for us and was “booed”.
